Marriage and Relationship Coaching for the Long Haul

Do you want more from your relationship? More intimacy, better sex, deeper connection…

You are not alone! I’ve been there, and so have most of the people I work with.  I’m Kirby. I help people in all stages of marriage and long term relationships find their unique path to deeper intimacy and more satisfying sex, for a lifetime.

When I got married, I was just following a script. I didn’t know what emotional intimacy really entailed, and I expected marriage, kids, and aging to lead to the inevitable decline of physical intimacy.

That is not what happened. Instead, marriage has taught me that relationships can blossom and thrive over the long term; that relationship skills can be built from the ground up; that intractable challenges can form foundations for growth; and that sex can be great in the beginning, and then get better, and better.

This transformation has been so inspiring that I decided to build a new career helping others improve their own relationships. As a Somatica® Institute trained sex and relationship coach, I have the skills and experience to help you navigate relationship challenges and find your path to deeper intimacy, and better sex, for a lifetime.

Relationships give our lives meaning and purpose. When we are skilled at relationships, the benefits radiate throughout our lives.  We are more confident and integrated. We are happier and healthier. We become better versions of ourselves, and we model that to our children.

Who is somatic sex and relationship coaching for?

  • The list of relationship problems is as long as the stack of divorce certificates at the local courthouse: lack of emotional or physical intimacy; mismatched desires; poor communication; conflict; sexual dysfunction; financial stress; poor body image; porn; health problems; aging…..

    There are also issues that are more subtle. Over time, many couples find that their assumptions, values, or beliefs are not as aligned with one another as they once thought. Others feel a level of uncertainty about what they actually want from the relationship. Perhaps there’s a sense of dissatisfaction, disappointment, or longing that goes unspoken. They want more of something, but are unsure of what it is, or how to get it.

    All of this is overshadowed by the ever-present possibility, if not actuality, of infidelity. How do couples make sense out of that?

    While a somewhat traditional model of marriage works well for me, I do not believe that this is the only legitimate option. Not everyone fits into this mold, and not all marriages fit into the mold of monogamy. I believe that people should have the freedom to choose a relationship structure that works for them and the ones they love.

    If any of this speaks to you, or if you are single and wanting to set yourself up for future success, then coaching is right for you.

Through relationships with others, we learn about ourselves. To get the most from our relationships, we have to become our best selves.

What are the benefits of coaching?

  • Coaching often starts by helping people improve emotional self-regulation skills.  Rather than allowing our emotions to drive us into unconscious and habitual reactions that often make a situation worse, we can learn to regulate our emotions and consciously choose responses that move us closer to what we want.

    Good emotional self-regulation, leads to emotional empowerment.  This is the ability to understand what our emotions are telling us about ourselves and to use that information to create the life and relationships that we truly desire. Pleasure and joy may show us what we want, while fear and shame often point to places we are stuck.

    Shame is at the root of many of our struggles with intimacy and sexuality. Shame impacts ALL of us to one degree or another.  Overcoming my own shame has been the biggest challenge in building a career as a sex and relationship coach.   It is why so many people choose a life of silent suffering rather than seeking help.  Coaching will help you to recognize and overcome the ways in which shame is holding you back. Let’s reframe and replace negative social conditioning about pleasure, sex, and our bodies.  The stories that we are told- and that we tell ourselves, have a profound impact on our emotional state, how we understand ourselves, and how we relate to others.  We can discard stories that do not serve our interests, and replace them with stories that do.

    I can’t make any promises. I can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to learn and practice relationship skills. It is up to you to do the heavy lifting. If you have the courage to take the first step and get in touch with me, the benefits will be far-reaching and long-lasting.

Are you ready to level up and create the relationship that you truly desire?

How does somatic sex and relationship coaching work?

  • I am a somatic sex and relationship coach. Unlike therapy, in which the therapist/client relationship can seem one way or unequal, coaching seeks to create a two-way relationship between equals. When this is done well, the coaching relationship becomes a safe place to explore our full range of emotions and practice emotional skills that lead to better relationships.

    Somatic coaching is experiential.  We don’t learn to ride a bike by talking about it, we learn by doing it. Many people find that simply talking about their issues leaves them stuck in their heads. Often what we need is to get out of our heads and tune in to our bodies. By doing this, we can better understand what our feelings are telling us. Somatic coaching combines conversation with a variety of physical activities and practices to help people become more embodied. Don’t worry, you won’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Boundaries and consent (more skills to practice) are cornerstones of any good relationship. 

    Here is a simple exercise that you can do right now to gain an understanding of how somatic coaching works. If you have read this far, you may have had some sort of emotional reaction to something I have written. Maybe you blushed at the word sex, or the whole idea of sex and relationship coaching makes you squirm or cringe. Maybe it turns you on or quickens your pulse. Maybe it is some combination, or nothing at all. Take some time to tune in to the feelings and sensations in your body, then ask yourself what they are trying to tell you about yourself. Maybe instead of feeling a reaction in your body, you put up defenses; judgement, blame, self critique, denial. What do your defenses tell you about yourself? What feelings are they trying to protect you from?